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Saturday, January 28, 2006

A Letter to God

Dear God,

A lot of people want to tell me what to think about you, what to believe about you, what you are and what you aren't. You may know that I don't enjoy listening to people tell me that you don't exist, which may be true I guess, but since no one can prove decisively that you aren't there for me on a consistent basis I'm going to go with my gut and assume that you are. Sometimes I listen to very religious people tell me that you're angry at me for behaving so badly sometimes, which I do, but you must know that deep in my heart I've got nothing but love. Sometimes I listen to very spiritual people tell me that they have a relationship with their higher power, sometimes they call that power God, and I must say that is something that I want to have.

Someone once told me that the difference between religion and spirituality is that religion is for people who believe in hell and spirituality is for people who have already been there. I feel like that might be accurate. I don't always understand why things happen the way they do, like when bad things happen to good people, and when lives are taken back for example, but I think sometimes it just has to happen, and I don't know why.

When I look at my surroundings and when I think about my life and the lives of other people, I can't help but believe in some kind of higher power. It just seems like there's way too much going on here for there not to be some kind of supreme entity. To be perfectly honest with you though, God, life doesn't really make a whole lot of sense to me. I mean I love it, don't get me wrong, I am happy to be alive every second of the day, but life in general just doesn't make a whole lot of sense. I mean, how did this happen? A whole bunch of little people and animals and plants and such all springing to life on this huge planet in the middle of nowhere, with no other life around us as far as the telescope can see.

Sometimes religious people say that you created two people called Adam and Eve in your image a long long time ago. Other religious people say that the earth came from an egg in the empty void of the universe. Other religious people tell stories about where the Earth came from, and where people came from, but they never seem to agree entirely. That doesn't make much sense God, these religions have got everybody all messed up. Nobody seems to be able to agree on anything. I can't say that I put much stock in religion for that exact reason.

There is one thing about religions that really bothers me. I don't understand why people are willing to kill each other in the name of their God. Life is a pretty wonderful thing resulting from millions and billions of years of impossibilities and miraculous coincidences (at least that's my understanding). It seems to me that ending a life is the worst thing a person could possibly do. We live in a very tumultuous world where people do very bad things sometimes, it almost seems like people do bad things more than good things.

Another thing that I don't understand, God, is why I exist and what my purpose for existing is supposed to be. I know that I am an extremely unique human being, but sometimes I feel like I have no identity among the nameless and faceless masses. And why do I have an identical twin? That doesn't make any sense to me, I mean, it doesn't seem like that should be able to happen... yet it does. Do you know how confusing it is for me to have a so-called genetic clone running around out there who is almost 100% identical to me physically yet who acts nothing like me in almost every facet of life?

And what about the drugs, God? I mean, I have had a brutal love affair with some of the things that are around this crazy planet. Sometimes when I would consume certain things I felt like I was on top of the world and that you were holding me up in the heavens so that I could see how wonderful and beautiful life really is. But then, it seemed as if you not only dropped me from heavens, but actually thrust me back down to the earth so that I crashed into the once beautiful humanity and was left in pain searching for the serenity I had lost. It seems that drugs are a lot like religion, they make individuals feel really good, but the end result of these things is much more destructive than the individual cares to admit. The hardest thing I've had to admit to myself is that these things are in general detrimental to a serene, absolutely virtuous and healthy life.

God, I'm glad you gave me an outlet for some of these thoughts that have been troubling me even though you may not be able to read this letter. Maybe the answers to all these questions aren't as important as actually asking the questions themselves because it seems to me that there are some things that as human beings we are just not supposed to know. If that is indeed the point, then let me assure you there are many things that I don't understand, actually, I can only think of a few things that I really feel like I do understand. For this reason I am going to stick with my basic instincts and try to do my best to make the experience of life a good one for myself and the people around me.

Your Little Person,
Z

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